Where Is Mr Scruffles?
by queenofbitches
Summary: Life as Gaara's sibling ain't all that easy. And Gaara isn't always the impassive don't-know-don't-care Kazekage. Who the hell is Mr. Scruffles? Collection of crackfics- Slight Gaasaku. Rated T for Gaara's... umm, extravagantly rude hand gestures.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I really had fun writing this. Enjoy.

"Really? And what did he say?"

"The usual: How troublesome."

The two girls laughed at that, the blonde with the iron fan and the pink-haired one with the warm green eyes. Their laughter was light, carefree, and carried to the ears of _someone_ who was, to say the least, _not_ happy. At all.

"Typical Shika-"

That someone launched himself from the shadows, startling both the girls, the pink-haired one being cut off in midsentence by a gasp, her eyes wide. The blonde was frozen in place, unable to move. You couldn't blame them. After all, being charged at by a red-haired demon who was looking_ very_ pissed off couldn't have been good on the nerves.

Pinning Temari to the wall, Gaara bared his teeth. A shiver ran down her spine as he hissed in her ear, his expression livid.

"_Where,_" he snarled menacingly, "is Mr. Scruffles?"

Sakura blinked, thinking she had heard wrongly. _Mr. Scruffles?_

Temari stuttered, "H-he was looking rather dirty, so I t-took him out for a wash…"

Gaara snarled, shooting the shaken Temari a _you-are-so-dead_ look, before running out of the house.

Sakura blinked again, and shook her head. Was it just her, or had the whole world gone insane? Or maybe she had been wrong all the time, and Gaara was actually five years old.

She cleared her throat. "Temari?" she asked tentatively. "What on earth is-"

The door flew open with a bang, causing the both of them to jump. In barged Gaara, looking no less murderous than before.

But still, scary.

And in his clutches was a small, dog-eared, one-eyed, stuffed teddy bear.

Well, looks like _that_ answered her question.

_Not._

Gaara shot Temari another death glare, flamboyantly displaying the third finger of his right hand at her in a disturbingly familiar gesture. Then he caught sight of the pink-haired medic by his sister, and jumped. In less than a moment Sakura saw an almost miraculous transformation from a five-year old nuisance to the _totally, completely_ mature Kazekage, his back straight, his face expressionless as one hand tried to hide the teddy bear behind his back.

"Haruno Sakura," he acknowledged.

Sakura blinked.

Then he fled up the stairs, leaving a stunned Temari and a _very_ bemused Sakura.

At that moment, Sakura had a thought. It was the sort of thought that you didn't want to think too much about because, if you did, your brain might explode.

Sakura found her voice first, and turned to Temari with the sort of look a person would have after going through a _very_ traumatic ordeal.

In a half-strangled voice, she asked, "Is he PMS-ing?"

A/N: I think I'll take on the role of Temari.

–Sweatdrops and falls to the ground in a deep faint-

LOL


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Yes. I know, you're going, wasn't this supposed to be a oneshot? Yeah, that was pretty much it, but my ideas for crackfics are cropping up... and I decided to do the same thing like I'd done for Little Things. Only THIS one is for crack- and fluffy crack. Depends. Tell me what you think.

Summary: Err… looks like our beloved Kazekage isn't completely immune to teenage problems…

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto.

* * *

"Yo, lil' bro!" Kankuro yelled cheerily, lifting his arm to wave at the figure in the distance. The figure continued walking as though he hadn't heard him.

Kankuro broke into a trot. "Hey, wait up!" The person ahead began walking faster, head bowed down. He looked like he was trying to make himself as invisible as he could.

Kankuro frowned. One would think that Gaara was trying to _avoid_ him or something. He began to feel irritated. Now why in the world would he do that?

This was the first time he'd seen Gaara the entire day. He hadn't even been to that immensely important meeting that he'd _sworn_ to attend! Kankuro's brow furrowed. That wasn't like him…

Of course! What if it _wasn't_ him… what if the person in front of him was just some impostor, and the real Gaara was being held hostage somewhere! The absurdity of the whole situation not withstanding, Kankuro thought that it completely accounted for his brother's whole odd behavior.

His eyes narrowed. _No one_ was gonna impersonate the Kazekage and get away with it.

Tensing his muscles, Kankuro jumped the distance between him and the Imposter, who was now running at full speed, and landed on his back. The Imposter's knees buckled at the sudden weight and they both fell heavily to the floor with a resounding crash.

"Ha, got you!" yelled Kankuro triumphantly.

The response he got was a furious, all-too-familiar snarl. Kankuro's eyes widened in horror. Damn… He'd made a _terrible _mistake…

He was _sooo _dead.

"What," growled Gaara, "do you think you're doing?"

Kankuro stood up nervously, too afraid to look into his eyes.

"Erm… well, err… I just wanted to ask you why-" he chanced a glimpse at his brother, who was looking, to say the least, livid. "Hey, what's that on your face?"

Gaara jumped, reddening visibly, and quickly slapped a hand up to his forehead. Kankuro, however, was not fooled.

"Is that what I think it is?" Kankuro cried, the malicious glee evident in his voice.

Gaara snarled. "Don't you _dare-_"

"A zit! Gaara's got a zit!" Kankuro whooped, laughing, and thumped his brother on the shoulder. "I can't believe that you, of all people-"

"Shut it," hissed Gaara viciously, "or I'll shut your trap for you." Sand swirled threatheningly out of his gourd.

But Kankuro just kept chortling, crying in a singsong voice, "Gaara's got a zit, Gaara's got a ziiitt…"

At that moment, he spotted a very familiar figure with pink hair walking down the corridor.

Sakura.

Gaara clapped his hand to his forehead again, inwardly groaning.

_Just my luck._

A/N: O.o I don't really know what to make of this, the idea popped into my head suddenly and won't go away/


End file.
